When I started this exclusively pumping journey the morning after Parker came shooting out into the world 6 weeks early, I never expected it to blow up as much as it did. I had a rough go that morning, a bad experience basically, and I didn’t really want even try again. I blew off the second lactaction specialist, but apparently the third time was the charm. Emily came in riding on a rainbow, landing into a pot of gold, exuding the most positive spirit. She was wonderful, upbeat, supportive, and gave Travis a lecture about washing pump parts since I was doing the hard work. now, Travis never did, but I know she said that to every dad and hopefully the rest followed along.
During those first few days, maybe weeks, especially since Parker was so early, the team would give me little syringes to pour my pumped milk into since I wasn’t producing much just yet. One morning my session was just drops and I poured it out. No use wasting a syringe I thought. Wrong. My team of supporters scolded me for pouring that liquid gold down the drain. I also may not have known much about colostrum in those early days. But then during an overnight session, I had a really good pump (well what I thought then as a really good pump), and I showed off my syringe to the Mother/Baby nurses on my way to the NICU. I still remember the cheering. That support kept me going.
I can’t believe we’re still here for a second year celebrating World Human Milk Donation Day!
If you ever wanted to breastfed your baby, whether that was at the tap, pumping or both, but struggled, I do this with you in mind. I knew I didn’t want to feed from the tap, I was fine with pumping. But I also knew I’d be okay if I wasn’t able to provide. This is a hard moment for so many moms. How much or little you are able to produce is nowhere tied to your worth. You are a great mom no matter how you feed your baby. Fed is best. I would say that even if the roles were reversed and I had to utilize formula. Which, I actually did. Since Parker was a preemie, she needed fortified breastmilk to help grow quicker. Every time I think about quitting, I remember all the moms who wanted to and couldn’t. I sadly imagine them glaring at me for giving up a blessing. I hope they wouldn’t, we need to be each other’s cheerleaders, support systems, villages. But when you’re a stay at home mom, you spend a lot of time in your thoughts. Too much time. Alas, I’m getting off subject.
Basically, I just want you to know that as your read my posts regarding pumping, please do not compare yourself to me. My milk supply is abnormal. Extremely abnormal. It may look so amazing and some may think they’re jealous. Don’t be. You’re not missing out. This has taken over my life. It’s exhausting. It hurts. It’s annoying. I’m tired. Normally I would hate to complain about this gift, but another mom who was a “just enougher” who received a private donation from me said exactly this: that while everyone would comment wow, she felt so bad for me because she understood the time it took from me behind the scenes.
I’m so glad Parker’s NICU nurses and the lactation team told me about breastmilk donation. Without Parker being in the NICU, and being there the day another baby ran out of donor milk, I’m not sure how we would have ended up on this journey. I also think I was such an abnormal overproducer because of the twins, like this is part of their stamp on the world.
I have always been big into volunteering. That slowed down when I was pregnant. I managed to perform at Dancing with The ARK’s Stars and held my annual traffic control cheerleader position at Race for The ARK, but I had to skip out on a few other things. Then with Parker on the outside, I’d almost completely stopped volunteering. I hated that the only thing I could do was share opportunities to my volunteer group, hoping that someone else would pick up the slack.
But then someone reminded me, breastmilk donation is only a shift in how I volunteer. I’m just showing up in a different way for awhile. That realization made me feel so much better. Now, there will come a day when I will come back full force, with Parker by my side, helping the community. For now, we continue to pump and bag milk to ship off until the weaning process is done.
If you follow me on Instagram you know that I’m supposed to be weaning. I’d planned to complete my journey and publish this as my final blog post wrapping up all the details in celebration of World Breast Pumping Day. Well… not everything goes according to plan.
As I was retrieving some data for this post, I signed into the wrong milk bank portal. When I was initially researching paid banks back in November 2024, I’d also signed up with NI-Q but they weren’t actively accepting applications. I checked in a few times over the first few months and then forgot about it. Till now. And as I logged in, a big pop up came across the screen stating: “Open for Donations!” Well, okay! Why not? So I applied. If I got in, cool. If I didn’t, I’m okay to end my pumping journey.
Danielle D. Mercer 